A Year of Transformation and Blessings

So this is the time of year, I like to look back on the year and think about all that has happened. Good, bad, everything........ With each birthday that comes, I can't help but notice the growth that has taken place...... Not just physically (haha), but actually spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

One of the big things that stands out to me the most this year is............RELATIONSHIPS! This has been the year of choosing to love the ones God has placed in my life and letting them love me in return. I have learned that sometimes, love is correction. Sometimes, it is a hug or a kind word spoken. Sometimes it is giving gifts freely or being a listening ear and not saying a thing. What I have noticed is people love differently. No one person loves the same. Not even do I love each of my friends the same. I am called to love because God is love and His love is far greater than my own. His love extends mercy and grace. It is His love that has allowed me to open my heart and be vulnerable in my relationships and experience more of His great love in return. He has helped me forgive and receive forgiveness. He has expanded my heart to love the unlovable in their brokenness and He has given me His love to extend to the hurting and wounded. In the meantime, letting in more people to love, more relationships to build and enjoy and a more joy filled life. I would say Love has Won! And I have friends who love me!

This has also been a year of dreams being fulfilled! Long awaited hopes and dreams were released this year and I relished in the blessings being poured out. It was a year of Manifestations! After 12 long years of waiting, my master bathroom got remodeled. A hole in the wall that seemed to get bigger with time is now gone and beauty has taken its place. No words can express how wonderful it is to see and enjoy the transformation that has unfolded. The one thing holding this back was my own sin and discontent attitude. Once I repented, The Lord opened the floodgates and poured out the blessings. His heart is to give us our hearts desires, but He is a just God who is jealous for our whole hearted obedience so any darkness that is in the way can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. I'm thankful He showed me my sin and used my friends to help me get to a place of repentance. It is His kindness that leads me to repentance. The transformation of my house is a testimony of how God can change beauty from ashes. On top of that, our guest bathroom was remodeled as well! Two bathrooms in two months! The Lord is good! 
Besides this, we replaced most of our furniture in our home with lightly used furniture from Woodlands Online. We spent about $500 and sold all our furniture (except for our couch, we gave it away) and got furniture that looks great in our home! I'm so thankful for the beautiful transformation!

This has been a year of dance and freedom as well! Ever since my PawPaw passed away last November, I have felt released to dance. I'll never forget feeling the bondage of sadness overwhelming me after visiting my PawPaw in hospice, we all said our goodbyes and released Him into the Lords hands. I could not shake the deep burden of sorrow that filled my life...... until I turned on some music in my home and danced my heart out. I had never experienced anything like it before, chains and heaviness fell to the ground and joy and gladness replaced it. It wasn't but five minutes later that my mom called and told me my PawPaw had passed. At the same time we (my whole family joined me) were dancing, my PawPaw was being ushered into heaven by His Savior and friend. We joined with angels as we danced and The Lord poured out Himself. Ever since then, every Friday night you will find me in my home, music loud.......Dancing! It is FREEDOM for me! Nothing like it! 

Then there was the time a man came to our house and took my husband's bike right out of our garage. I heard him, saw him, ran after him, roaring like a lion, not afraid and wanting justice. I asked my neighbor to retrieve it for me and he did! I got back what the enemy had stolen and The Lord won! Fear tried to grip me after it was all over, but what the enemy planned for evil, The Lord turned into good! I was more bold, more alive and unafraid than ever before. What could have been an emotional roller coaster, was turned into a steady faith trust. I had a friend help me through the process and it was just a matter of a day that transformation occurred!

Speaking of emotions, most of you know I am a pretty sensitive person. Crying is a natural response when feeling overwhelmed, hurt, or even happy and blessed. Well, The Lord highlighted my emotions this year and showed me an area that was not healthy. He showed me how I used my emotions to control people. This was huge for me and I began to notice it every time I felt fearful, or a lack of control. Once again, I repented and asked The Lord to purify my emotions and use them for what He intended them for. I know He made me sensitive for a reason and now I know that my emotions can be used to cleanse, show compassion to the broken, feel a burden and release it to God, and stay tenderized to His presence. Bless The Lord!

The past 6 months have been a time of becoming more disciplined. I have finally taken my chiropractors advice and diligently wake up every morning to lay on my neck roll for 20 minutes. I know it sounds easy, but when you have a negative curve, 20 minutes can be long. Even though it is painful, I am thankful for the progress. It's supposed to help my neck curve become positive. I will get my results in another month to see if all the pay off is worth the time. There has been a blessing in the discipline. The time is spent focusing on The Lord while listening to the prayer room online (Kansas City House of Prayer). So my heart, spirit, mind and body are thoroughly blessed. This is life for me! Hallelujah!

This has been a year of feeling God's presence in tangible ways. He has been faithful to reveal more of Himself and His angelic hosts to our congregation. The supernatural has become more real to me than ever before. We have seen miracles happen.... Carlee's leg was extended during an Intercessory Worship set one Wednesday night. She has seen and felt angels in the prayer room at church. I have felt them too! Definitely a new dimension we have broken through. To that I say, "More Lord!"

As far as being a servant in the House of Prayer, this has been a year of change and flexibility. I led a one hour set on the Monday night IW team for the first 5 months of the year in the GPR, then became a singer/ substitute worship leader on the Wednesday night team in the main prayer room. I have enjoyed the whole process and can't help but notice the change that has occurred. I love how God stretches and keeps me refined by these circumstances. I am also thankful my heart has stayed flexible and teachable through the process. Bless The Lord, He is faithful to my heart!

Greg and I  have been teaching the 4 and 5 year old Sunday school class each week since June. We have loved and enjoyed serving these children. They remind me of our own children at that age and treat them as though they are because we see the value in each of their lives. So much laughter and joy filled moments happen in that one hour class. It is truly life-giving and fulfilling! I am thankful for the friend who nudged me to take the class on. Their hearts are so impressionable at that age, I know what we do each Sunday is adding fuel to the fire that will burn forever with a holy passion for Jesus. These kids are my favorites!

This has been a year of advancing in God's time table. I've been reading "A Time To Advance," by Chuck Pierce and I have witnessed The Lord ordering my life in each season. This has released me into a clearer understanding of what God is highlighting each month and desiring for me to step into. What joy to be in His timing! 

Speaking of perfect timing, The Lord blessed me recently with some sweet gifts for a small price. He ordered my steps and I shopped online for some items I had on my mind and He changed the price for me to purchase them at rock bottom price. I only spent $27 on three pieces of clothing (a sweater, blouse and vest). After purchasing these items, the price changed and went back to full price. I saved $90. This was a gift from my Lord, who knows the desires of my heart. Now, every time I wear these gifts I get to tell the glory story to others and share how personal He is. I love my God!


More growth has occurred in my spirit man this year, as I have been pressing in and reading Arthur Burks, "Blessing Your Spirit," every morning. This book has a place you can insert your name and declare scripture over your spirit and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work. It has been wonderful and life-giving. Things I wouldn't necessarily think of praying over me has for sure brought change and increase to my inner man, which is the one thing that will live forever. There is great value in blessing your spirit!!!

There has been recent release in me to go in the way The Lord has designed me to walk in. Previously, I bound myself to rules and letting others tell me which way to go. I people pleased and did not have a firm foundation in which way I should go. I realized this was a sin to place people above God. This thinking limited me and now I am experiencing freedom to be who I am, celebrate how I celebrate, and love how I love. For we are all unique and special and I know God created each of us differently to shine His glory on this earth! So I will go my way up the mountain of myrrh and stay on the path He has placed in front of me..... Freedom in being me!!


So in summary this has been a year of great blessing, great stretching, great friendships, great power and great transformation!! I am blessed beyond measure and give the Lord all the glory for every piece of growth!!!

Come to me......

A long time ago, I started this blog to journal my thoughts, learnings, growth and challenges. I started it to encourage the broken and wounded even though I myself was yet broken and wounded. However, it was a season I was in to choose JOY. I desired to be a wellspring of life and draw people to Jesus. This blog would be a place where people could come to and get refreshed and be strengthened and uplifted. 
Well, years have gone by, kids have grown, smart phones have bombarded, Facebook has stolen, life is full and I still long and desire to find a place to sit and recharge, so I'm coming back to rest and put thoughts into words as The Lord continues to build on what was started years ago. I do believe some things need to die before new things can come. So here I am.......

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your soul. My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

I come to Jesus thirsty, hungry, dependent, broken, sinful, tired, burdened, and I trade my weaknesses for His rest. I used to think that I had to clean myself up before I came to Him. Big lie! No need to work any harder or preform religious duties to feel qualified to come. I now remember, He choose me first, when I was not in a place to choose Him! Love won! God wins! Grace abounds and I find rest in His love as I come. This is where I belong, close to my Lord. Safe and secure in His arms. My weak glance toward Him ravishes a His heart.

The burden brought me to a Him. It was the invitation to come! As I extend my heaviness towards Him, He replaces it with His yoke. His yoke is easy. That sounds nice...... EASY! Sometimes, I think life is hard. Oh! Another lie. I want the fullness, but if I'm thinking life is hard then I am stuck. What's hard is my sin. Keeping it is burdensome. It's time to come.... Coming sounds like an action word. Move to Jesus! Get up and come! He gave me the burden to COME! He brought me here, He intends to fill me. Maybe I wouldn't have come if I never had the burden? 

Growth: I do understand now, that I am a magnet for burdens. People dump on me. I actually feel weight on people the minute I get close to them. They unload their weight and tell me their heaviness. I used to carry these burdens from others as if it were my job. I would then unload on my family, friends, whoever to get the weight off. That did not work. It only left me feeling terrible about my reactions and lead me to apologizing and regretting. Once I realized this cycle, I began to have a clear picture of my responsibility. People saw me as a safe place to unload their burdens. I was Jesus to them. So after they shared their heaviness, I lifted it up in prayer and gave it back to God. He then took it from me and I was FREE! Some people just don't know how to go to Jesus themselves, so they come to me and I take them to Jesus or I just take the burden to Jesus. Maybe this is what it means to "learn from me?" Do what Jesus would do.

Over the past year, The Lord has opened up a new door for me to release my burden. 

DANCE! 

Dancing with The Lord has released freedom from all heaviness. Every Friday night at the beginning of Shabbat, it is time to dance off all the burdens. As I move, the weight falls off and the lightness of the yoke is easy. Before dance, I sang and poured out my heart through songs. Before singing, I prayed and cried. There are many doors to bring freedom. 
Dance just happens to be the one open right now. 

The most important thing is to come. Open the door to the invitation of the burden and come to the one who is faithful to help you. Bring your sin, bring your burden and be set free!

Listening

This has been a problem for me in the past during my times of prayer. I tend to have a mouth full of worries/problems to voice and spend little time listening. I realize He can talk to me throughout the day, but am I really taking the time to stop, meditate on the thought, allow it to speak to me and perhaps change me? It's the still small voice that reminds me that He is with me and is working. Sometimes, I forget what I pray and later on when the prayer is answered I miss out on God's blessings because of business. But not today! When I sat down to eat my bowl of soup for lunch, God reminded me of a time that I prayed and asked Him to teach me about "salt." Yes, salt that you eat and how I can be like salt. See, I have had a cold for the last few days and nothing really tastes that great. My soup needed something to make it tastes better. It needed SALT!! My saltine crackers did the trick and made it delicious! Before, my soup was tasteless and void of flavor, but then I added salt and it changed the taste and made it better. God wants me to be like salt.... add flavor wherever I go, make it better by gracing it with saltiness (Him). Also, He does not want my taste buds to grow numb for Him, but He wants me to keep an expectation in my spirit and a hunger for Him to quench. Yes, the salt quenched my taste buds, but God quenched that deep well inside my heart. I love how God reminded me of my prayers and how He showed me the answer. This fast has been so rewarding.

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled on by men."
Matthew 5:13

So why am I surprised when I ask God to refine me or reveal the sin in my life.... and..... He does. When I see my sin manifest itself, it is just plain ugly and I have to get rid of it. What happens after He reveals it matters the most..... I must ask for forgiveness, repent, go to battle, take up my authority in Christ, receive God's grace and mercy..... then turn from the sin.
The power of the cross..... it is beautiful. My sin, for Jesus' holiness. My ashes, for His beauty. My mourning, for His gladness. My pain, for His love.

This is really starting to make sense. He has given me victory! Things I have struggled with time and time again are manifesting, but this time instead of letting them be and fighting the battle alone.... I am repenting, claiming victory over the sin and changing the patterns. God is breaking the strongholds.... He is transforming my life because I am making myself available to Him. May this become a habit and I choose Him first. Who knows what He will do!!!

Fasting

We just started a 21 day church/city wide fast on Monday. Greg and Carlee are fasting from sweets and I choose to fast all meals on Tuesday's and try to eat healthier (more veggies, less carbs.) during the week. We all have our list of things we are fasting for.... #1 being self-control (not just in what we choose to eat, but in actions and attitudes)
Carlee did such a great job yesterday, when Zachary asked me for a piece of candy after lunch. She did not ask for one, she just told me that she remembered she was fasting. This girl amazes and me! She is getting the idea. I was not expecting Carlee to join us in the fast, but I asked her if she wanted to participate. She said, "What's a fast?" "Why would people not eat food?" I explained with a glass of ice water (this illustration was demonstrated to me recently). I told Carlee to pretend that the ice represented all the junk (sin) in her life and the water represented God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus. When you take the ice out (or the sin), you have more room for water (or God). So when we choose to not eat certain foods and we hear our tummy grumbling or we our tempted to eat something sweet, we ask God to replace the grumbling or the temptation with more of Him and fill us with His love and His Spirit. It's when we are weak that He is made strong. So we fast to make ourselves weak and more dependent on God. We want everything in us to be Jesus flowing out..... so if that glass of water gets shaken, then all that's spilled is Him.
This fast is developing a new mind set. God is showing me how some of the things I do, even good things (like pray, worship, exercise, etc.) are not necessarily pure and right. One of my life verses is, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God," (Matthew 5:8). God is refining my life, taking out the old thinking, changing it with His truth. He's bringing me to my knees and having me repent from things that are wrong. He is having me go to battle over those sins and walk in victory. I feel like I can barely say a thing or move an inch without Him showing me something that needs to change. It's a good place, yet a hard place to be. Right now it is an uphill climb.... but it is all worth it!!! Thankfully, I know the end of the story.

Praise Dance

Last night my daughter had a hard time going to sleep. She was afraid of some bad dream she had a long time ago. I found out that since she has had that dream it had caused her to sleep underneath her covers making her hair one big tangly mess in the mornings. I had no idea she had been so afraid. I sat down on the couch with her and we got her bible out and looked up scriptures on fear. We also looked up the one in Phil. 4:8 that tells us to think of the things that are true, lovely, excellent, praiseworthy, etc. Carlee found one scripture in the Psalms that spoke to her and I told her that Jesus was speaking to her through His word. She was so thrilled. She loved being able to read it for herself and find hidden truths in God's word. I asked her if she wanted to pray that Jesus would take her fear away so she could sleep? She took the intuitive to talk to God and asked Him to help her sleep. After she prayed, she looked at me and said, "Mommy, I think I am ready to go to sleep now." I told her goodnight and she went to her room. One minute later she was back in the living room asking me, how long it would be until morning? It was only 9:30pm. I told her she had awhile and that she needed to trust God through the night. (she didn't want to go through the process) I told her that when she woke up in the morning that we would have a praise dance. She got excited and then went to bed.
This morning she woke up and we got to start the day off thanking God for answering her prayers. We turned on the praise music and danced before God. It was awesome to see God work through her and strengthen her faith. She didn't want to go through the motions at first to trust God, but as soon I said we would praise God in the morning for His faithfulness, she was ready to trust. Sometimes, we have to praise God for the outcome even before we go through the process. We've got to trust His way as we step into the fear. Sometimes, we have to do things afraid. It's not about the fear, it's about God overcoming the fear so we can praise. Whatever you are struggling with or are afraid of, don't let it steal your praise. Claim your victory in God and allow Him to accomplish the work so you can do your praise dance.

Genesis 24

I had never noticed this before, but when Rebekah was at the well she filled her jar first. This speaks to me because it reminds me that I need God first. I can't just wake up and automatically jump into serving my family. Eventually I will burn out and it will not be out of a heart of love.God is my portion and I am His! My cup (or life) needs to be filled with Him in order for me to fill anyone else. After Rebekah filled her jar, she was ready and available to serve and fill Abraham's servant's jar as well as all his camels. That was a big job! Parenting is a huge job as well . I can not live off yesterdays cup. This leaves me in a drought and I'll find myself drained by life, circumstances, my family, etc... Normally this all turns into work than worship. Another thing God revealed through this story is how Rebekah took care of her inner beauty. She was not just beautiful on the outside, but she was beautiful on the inside with the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control). I also compared this story to the one of the women at the well with Jesus in John 4:13. She was not so willing to fill Jesus' cup and little did she realize who He was and that He could give her true living water. This story reminds me that Christ in me is my living water and He is my wellspring of life. The more I allow Him to pour out of me the more I will thirst for Him. He fills me again and again and wants me to be involved in peoples lives to be a source of strength for them. He wants to shine through me and bring living water to a lost and hurting world. I already know what my life looks like without Him, but oh how I want to experience Him being poured out of me throughout the day especially in the evenings when I feel tired. I want to have enough love for my neighbors as well, when they come to me empty and dry. May I not see Him filling my cup just for me, but for this world. Jesus, You are my hope of glory! Come and reign today! Be my living water! Fill my cup and make it overflow! This world needs You!